i think that as the spirit comes into contact with a new truth or realization, often the mind seeks comfort and numbness. especially when the realization is something that shatters a great perception of what the mind thought to be true. conscious thought is a beautiful thing. to be able to evolve the mind and puzzle out existence. but it is only helpful to a certain extent. it reaches a point where the only way to learn is to unlearn everything! and the egoic, thinking mind does not like that!!! the ego wants desperately to be heard and to be in control. conscious thought is having a little freak out currently. its whole identity has been realized as an illusion. it is seeking comfort and numbness, mostly through wanting and indulging. i think the theory is to prove that it “still exists!” through the power of its desire. if every one of the ego’s desires is stripped down to its essence, it really is just the desire for a sense of immortality and continuation. fame, beauty, validation, even the satiation of hunger is just a cry for the continuation of self. but what the ego doesn’t know – what it’s cultural context and upbringing have robbed it of – is that the true essence of being has already attained the “immortality” that the ego seeks. but this state of eternal presence simply is. the being will be. without the survival of the body, without the carrying out of desires and wants, the being will always be. by yearning and wishing for its own survival and perpetuation, all the ego does is pull further and further away from the inherent interconnectedness of all things, which brings with it the recognition of the being’s true eternal nature. desire for validation and for the acquisition of things, is the ego running in completely the wrong direction in search of something already very much alive within the essence of being.