i sit with my freshly brewed chai on the dining room table, lulled by the hum of my mother’s fishtanks and the nocturnal buzz of crickets into a lazy, deflated sense of sadness. i sit in this chair and i feel it all. i don’t run away, i don’t medicate, i don’t employ numbness, i don’t distract myself. i sit and i feel. because i am here to witness. the urges and emotions i feel have no label. there is no good or bad, no right or wrong, no sacred or unsacred. it is all simply source: the essence and complexity of life that i am so enamoured with. i love the quiet solitude of sadness. i love it with the same full heart and free mind with which i love the buzzing liveliness of the sun. my sadness is my teacher, my most holy guidance that helps me to shed the illusions that stand between me and that which is divine. i love to cry as i love to laugh. i love pain as i love to heal. i love to be left wondering just as i love to uncover answers. i love all my lessons, no matter what form they take. i breathe fully into the opportunity that emerges from this sadness, taking time to listen, to breathe, to be present and to nurture myself. it is in moments such as these where the trust within all facets of my being has the space and freedom to blossom. it is in these moments where i put the most faith in myself, where i trust in myself to act consciously and to embody compassionate presence. it is in the quiet cloudy dampness where i can see the light of human consciousness the brightest. here i can see clearly as it flows through any cracks in my integrity, or in the faith i have in myself and in spirit. with each moment or era of darkness that comes to me, i am given the most precious opportunity to consciously choose myself. to choose evolution and transformation and the acquisition of teachings. i choose in these moments to embody the compassion and guidance of my highest self. consequently, i dissipate any separation between myself now, and the version of myself i know i can be.
i love how vast and free the cosmos is. it is such a humongous lake of rich beauty and potential. my favourite thing about it is that it’s what all of us are made from. every single thing is just =SPACE= huuuge pools of potential and openness with teeny little specks of energy, eager and waiting to be cultivated. to be directed into whatever they are willed to be!!! a place of so so much rich capacity and activity and yet so much peace and stillness. i am so grateful to know the cosmos.
september, goodbye.
lessons learnt in the last 30 days
– no one’s journey is the same as mine. this one hasn’t fully sunk in yet, but the things i experience will and can only ever be experienced through my eyes and my senses. own and cultivate and EMBRACE all facets of your journey.
– by choosing to love and care for yourself, you embody spirit and thus your highest self.
– my lessons//observations//experiences are just as valid without being shared.
if the time comes when something i have learnt can be of use in someone else’s journey it will be abundantly clear. but it is sacred and important to have experiences and discourse shared only between the self and the cosmos. it is the unsaid that truly connects us to each other, and the unseen that holds us together!
– sadness is growth
in your sadness you have such a pure opportunity to connect with yourself. to simply witness. not to be reactive but to feel and embrace your sadness just as you would embrace your bliss. what a beautiful opportunity to be kind and patient with yourself, to strengthen trust and faith in your ability to care for yourself.
– craving validation and recognition is a disguised yearning for your own presence in and awareness of your personal experience.
honouring and being grateful for opportunities, awareness and miracles in your life is not only of service to you as you know yourself. it is of service to every dimension of your being, to every past and future incarnation of you, to all your ancestors and to all your loved ones. past, future and present. your peace brings peace to all those beings and entities close to you, to all the beings close to them and on and on and on and on until your serenity has touched every single little cell in the cosmos and come back to you a million trillion times!