i realize now that as my spiritual journey progressed i began to identify with it. it became something i viewed as part of myself, rather than something i am a part of. my spirituality was soaked up by my ego and transformed into something disingenuous. i’ve been clinging to material and external concerns recently – money, appearance, validation etc. my identity has begun again to reside within illusion, rather than my experiences and my presence with them. what i am taking from this realization is this: vulnerability and openness are so important! especially with myself. i must communicate with myself and listen to my needs. i must give myself the space to think things through and feel what i need to feel.
the value of the self is that you offer a completely unique, entirely personal perspective among the human collective. this is of most value when it is unapologetic and genuine. you are of so much worth. we crave connection, and the only way to truly connect is to facilitate space and time for yourself and others to exist and express safely as their most genuine self. DO WHAT FEELS GOOD!
we talked a little bit about what’s going on for me but i could not articulate or even comprehend all the things i’ve been struggling with and working through when he asked me. and it’s been pretty easy for me to feel bad about not being vulnerable and open with him but like my problem is that i can’t be vulnerable and open with myself! so i’m not going to be too hard on myself or expect miraculous courage yet. i have to learn that for myself first.